My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
We are going to be Siegfried and Roy for Halloween and you are going to be the tiger.
Nah I'm perfectly content solely banging the married bartender once a week.
That's practically a relationship for you
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize
