Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
I was just counting ceiling tiles when he ate me out, it was that bad.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
MY BRAIN IS OSCILLATING. DOES THAT EVEN MAKE SENSE
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
Matt and I's climactic adventure has ended with Matt being hauled off to jail. And now his brother and I are having lunch and a beer.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Randomize
