he wasnt into me til he saw how good i was at ms pacman. wtf why does this always happen? when she kisses pacman it was a little awkward, so i made my move. i went for more than one kind of banana last night!
they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i just dedicated my kegstand to your breasts
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
Speaking of mom and dad and Halloween... Mom bought a size small slutty nurse outfit last night. So yeah, they're getting hammered
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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