So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
Skipped a towel and decided to spit the cum into his face. I now owe him new contacts.
I love college. Only here at ten in the morning can you hear "Man, hot sauce on my pussy was my worst idea in a long time." while walking down the hall.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
I just pull a splinter from the head of my penis. It was a rough night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
hooked up with someone last night while wearing walrus pajama pants. clearly I'm accomplishing big things in life
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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