did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
to whom it may concern. if i am dead in colleens bed it is not her fault i slept in my scarf. my dads middle name is ronald.
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
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