please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Girl just left one of the apts upstairs carrying a giant bottle of kahlula and a lunchable.... I feel like we could be friends
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