Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
Just got up.... With the club stamp on my ass.... How did it got there????
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
