we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I buy you gas. You blow me. Economics.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
Tried to ride the mechanical bull pants less, got punched for making out with some lesbians wife, and you tipped the bartender with a can of skoal.
I regret nothing
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
man my uterus needs to drop the egg or GTFO, BUUUSHIT
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
Randomize
