Firetruck pulls up, fireman jumps out n knocks on my door, asks "do you know where Johnny lives?"
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
If I say "It's good enough" and I'm not talking about a sandwhich, that's your queue to stop me, you're supposed to be my friend.
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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