oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
If anyone needs me I'll be in the bathtub, eating fast food and shooting straight vodka while I seriously evaluate my life choices and cry.
I just gargled with NyQuil
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
