I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
You can't just send the picture of my vagina back to me, 2 months after we broke up, and make small talk out of it.
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
And why in he fuck did I get 'dick' in Romanian tattooed on my forearm
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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