he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
At one point I was double fisting both beer & ice cream. I love public events in this town.
She was about to go down when you guys iced me. Thanks bro
he just told me he'd rather go to the pirates game. i know it was desperate but i said id give him roadhead if he let me come along.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
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