I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
Don't make it weird, I don't think about you when I'm climaxing, it's just that I see you rooting me on.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Randomize
