On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
I just opened a gallon of milk that is good through the 10th of January- I hope I can say the same for myself.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
40s are totally the cure
His name is Angel. I'm pretty sure he was sent from heaven solely to eat me out.
I dare you to find another dealer that delivers bud to your home along with deep fried vegan burritos
It's barely past noon, how am I already talking about double penetration
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