I only kidnapped one of them. chill
god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
Just wondering did you put mouse traps and brownies on my porch?
Just took the worst coed shower ever. We both cried. AND I only shaved one leg.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
drunk caitlyn doesn't know how to work gmail. so know an email has been sent to the entire campus with a picture of me naked eating a bagel attached.
The least you could do is send me some gibberish so I know you're alive.
Fuhga
Thank you.
"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
I'm being hhit on by creepy guys please come one bought me a penis hat balloon animal save meeeee
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
