Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
I have no words
Neither did my mom, when she walked in on me squating with my balls in a cup of hot water.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
My dad handed me a drink and said, "This'll knock your dick in the dirt..."
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Randomize
