she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
something came early last nite... and lemme tell u it wasn't christmas...
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
i remember going to sleep after the 4th time i threw up this morning and hoping i didn't have to again because then it would be uneven between saturday and sunday. my ocd is getting out of control
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
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