i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
How was your sisters wedding?
Oh, I didn't go. I slept through my alarm. I finally woke up and was like...I don't think so.
sisterhood ftl.
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
There's a lady here with a big bag of dildos. I'm not sure that's appropriate bar baggage but, I like her style
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Randomize
