I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Just woke up to my stoned boyfriend building a shrine around my bare ass. He'll never leave me.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I asked my boyfriend if he wanted a bong for his birthday but he instead asked for corndogs
the cheaper the better
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