I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
Do Not. I repeat. DO NOT DRINK WHISKEY TO COPE. You will end up in jail. LEARN FROM THE PRO
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Randomize
