Facebook is asking me which Pokemon I'd be. Is there one whose only moves are gay sex and reading Adrienne Rich?
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
maybe it wasnt such a good idea to pregame our lease signing...
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
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