Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
Don't get me started, it sucks when the one thing you have in common with a girl is not wanting penis inside you.
My history with restaurant waiters is severely limiting our dinner options.
do herpes really smell.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
now that you've tased me I refuse to buy you flowers
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
Did I tell you guys I was bisexual last night? I just had a flashback
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
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