So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
The freshman next to me just said "I was rocking out on my way here to Dave Matthews..." I wish I would have passed this class the first time.
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
Yeah. I asked if there was a finger in my ass at some point or if I had a weird dream. So far he hasn't responded
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
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