drunk me is my new role model. he's fearless. like not even afraid of tornadoes.
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
There is a 97.5% chance that my sketchy roommate is also a hooker.
So when can I meet her?
You have mono. It's like being pregnant, your are excused from normal social niceties like responding to people.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I'm not sure what happened last night but my dog has a red cup taped to his back with a little beer and a ping pong ball in it..
We invented a new game.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
