i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
You did not just play the dead husband card again.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Awkward sister question: which game of thrones female left would you fuck?
I'm gonna be the best dressed mother fucker to ever get kicked out of that damn bar.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
Randomize