Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
New pre-game routine....wal-mart bathrooms...quality beers for free...hallelujah
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
I hate when people I sell to add me on Facebook. I'm your dealer, not your friend, C'mon people.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Our innocent game of 'Duck, duck, booze.' ended up not being so innocent
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
I was unconscious Saturday for like 6 hours after I passed out on the sidewalks of our nation's capital. Thank you America, for bottomless brunch.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Randomize
