either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
the clerk said it was the first time she had ever seen someone walk in the next day to return the tux still wearing the tux
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
the party we were at had security guards carrying paintball guns. that probably should have been the first sign
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Randomize
