You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
On a scale of one to trashy, how is this: Got drunk, gave a guy a hand job. In the middle of the bar
I think you broke the trashy scale
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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