Please don't call me names while I'm carrying your child.
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
Just used water from the fish tank for the bong. Thank you fishy.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Last thing I remember was wondering why there was a mirror on the wall behind the urinal and then realizing I was pissing in the sink.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
This amicable friendliness is dull. We either need to start fighting or fucking around. I'll even let you pick.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
There's a guy masturbating in front of Sephora right now
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Just imagine a dick squawking like a parrot
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Randomize
