I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
Is it bad everytime a fat person orders fraps I want to tell them to slow their rolls
how do flat chested girls get laid?
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Your life is one shit show away from being a lifetime movie.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
