I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
Starbucks introducing alcohol. i hear angels singing.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
He's a huge toolbag douche loser with a below average dick who doesn't know how to treat a girlfriend. He was my rebound after Brady. It was a pitiful 1 month rebound "extravaganza"
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
I can always pull a half day at work too. My boss makes exceptions for drug use. Lol. I fucking love my job.
we talked about the guy being eaten by the anaconda.. Then I proceeded to blow him
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
He just brought a live lobster to the party.
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