...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
All I know is that it's pretty damn mean to put a glass wall in a bar.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
id say I'm a pretty good fuck buddy, i didn't even booty call him on his girlfriends birthday
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
not now. havin a heart to heart with drunk fred flinstone
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
