Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
I would bite a mans dick off for a chocolate milk.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
