Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
she's like bobby knight all she does is scream and point
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
He had a tattoo of a crown above his penis. He was AMAZING! It was well deserved. LONG LIVE THE KING!
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
