last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
I was freaked out. No man over 50 is allowed to touch me. Ever. Unless you're Michael Bolton. Then please do.
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
Randomize
