well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
This little shit keeps eating the playdoh so i replaced the green with wasabi from work. Wonder what his parents are gonna think when he burns his soft palette?
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
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