Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
His texts read Like a 15 year olds diary.
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
