I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
You know you're fucked up when you throw your phone on the roof of the bar to show how good the Otter Box works.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
foreskin is a definite game changer
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
Hey guys so who is Justin McGoo and why did I text him "fuck yooooouuu juuuustiiin mcgooo" at 12:06am on Thursday night?
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
