Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
Don't know how your birthday has been, but mine has involved Hershey's syrup and a blowie. It's safe to say you're playing catch up.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I would fuck him just for his dog
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
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