Walk of shame... his parents made me go to church with them first. in my club top sweat pants and slippers. i just slapped god in the face
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Found her with a stray dog now called champagne, crying about how she feels a mom now. Had to take her home. The dog too.
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I don't know why I do this to myself his dick is a constant source of disappointment.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
Randomize
