I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
he found cum stains on my sheets and all i could blurt out was "better on the sheets than in me"
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
At second job interview this week. Wearing pants to hide pole dancing bruises. This my life.
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
No, it's like a legit blood drive. It's not just her out in some parking lot with needles and ziplock bags
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
Randomize
