4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Somehow I don't trust you in this state to talk to you about a colonoscopy
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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