Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
I checked for jungle juice on Weight Watchers. they didn't have it.
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
We are trying to penis chicken awkward them out. But I think it's a gay wedding. Backfiring. Heavily.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
I wish my nipples were as well behaved as yours.
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