i was texting myself key events from last night so i could remember this morning. looked at my phone, texted my mother instead. our numbers differ by 1 digit
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
Is it bad that when I see babies I feel bad for them because its going to be forever until they are 21?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
Easy Mac and you are the sexiest things in my life
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
