if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
I'm so turned on right now it's fucking stupid. I hate burger king commercials
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
Despite fighting the urge to vomit throughout the whole thing, I think that interview went really well!
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
SMOKEY THE BEAR CAME AT US WITH FUCKING AXES IN MY DREAM I THINK IT IS A SIGN TO STOP BLAZING IT IN THE WOODS
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
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