areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
Question: does he have any sense of self image? He looks slightly like he crawled out of the Euphrates after living as a fish for 20 years
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
just convinced brandon semen are bugs that crawl in your pants and make gooey juice. now hes convinced he has them lmao
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Neat. I'm thinking about growing a handlebar muffstache. What are your thoughts on this?
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
Randomize
