i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
I just woke up to me licking the dognuts
You mean Doughnuts?
......No :(
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
I just sneaky put a tampon in on the bus ninja-style.
......how on earth do you do that?
NINJAAAA
My sensibilities as a lady demand we cuddle on the couch, and THEN have loud, raunchy sex. Idk, what do you want to do?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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