so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
The night started going down hill when she shot the cashier in the face with the confetti gun we bought at 711.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I'm trying to make a sex playlist
record yourself crying and put it on a loop.
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Randomize
