if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
high people should be assigned attendants
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
BUT I'M ALSO ONLY IN IT FOR SEX AND HE CAN'T EVEN GET THAT PART RIGHT.LIKE LITERALLY ALL HE HAS TO DO IS DICK ME DOWN AND BE A DECENT HUMAN BEING IS THAT SO HARD TO ASK?!
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
i feel like doing his laundry was not included in the job description when we became fuck buddies.
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
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