It's Friday. Sex?
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
