I wish I could be a nicer person. Or a more sober one.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
Guy just came in wearing only shorts, on his hand was written - my name is ... Call ... And tell them where i am, thanx - in permanent marker, ordered his favorite dish, and left w/out touching it. It's snowing outside.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
