Rock
Scissors
Fuck
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Regular drunk falling on flat ground did not prepare me for drunk falling into a pile of firewood.
I hate that you live in a gated community. I feel your guard judges me every time I go to your house at 3 am an leave at 5am
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nothing like casual arson to brighten your day
Randomize
