I bet Jafar would keep his hat on during
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You actually went to class. Im eating dry cereal naked and watching bring it on.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I was less embarrassed asking him to torrent the teen mom's porn. I'm not gonna ask him to about season 4 of PLL.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I just had to go dumpster diving, at 3am, in the rain, because I realized that I somehow threw away the brand new package of birth control pills I picked up from the pharmacy this afternoon. So I'm sort of a responsible adult.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Randomize
