I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I need to get the stench of sex and broken dreams out of my room
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
I'm hammerd and his penis is still the size of a giraffe's neck
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
Randomize