Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
No, I don't just love you because you have big boobs. I just wouldn't visit as often.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
Glad I can drunkenly remember to not get tomatoes on my Mexican pizza but can't tell a guy to keep his hands off my ass
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
He walked into the bar with a pillow and put his head down...nuff said
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
Best and worst whiskey dick ever. I am hungover and can't move from the hours of sex, he on the other hand has a raw bruised dick. I win.
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
