we're blogging at a bar
She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
never play flip cup with pint glasses
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
Yeah but I get laid and I know. He drank toilet water last night and he doesn't know about that either. Still makes me happy though.
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
I don't know if I'm feeling really nervous right now or just extremely horny.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
He makes furniture for a living and is basically a hot, younger Ron Swanson
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Randomize
