I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
Waldo just asked us for directions. Even he doesn't know where he is.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
There's no point in calling it Big Titties Tuesday if girls with big tits don't get anything special
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
If it's up to me, I'll already have my pants on and walking out before he gets soft afterward.
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
She tried to gratify me left handed. Let's just say I've been placed on the 15 day DL.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
I'm going to reward myself for having sex with coffee and a breakfast burrito.
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
Randomize
