Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
I had never watched a guy jack off to me before, but let me tell you, it was a very uncomfortable experience.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
I threw a jar of pickles out the window at a police car, why was that not a good enough reason to put me to bed?
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Dude it was bad... like you fell asleep around the toilet after drinking from the back tank bad.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
When you leave ur sleepover boy on ur front porch waiting for a cab bc work
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
Randomize
