I just had to have my mom look at my penis to figure out what it was. How do you think my day is going?
I'm sorry that you don't think that "Daddy Issues" are a real thing, but I can tell you that some assholes who never went to their daughter's dance recitals are responsible for getting me laid...continuously.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
He is the Donovan McNabb of stuff up his ass. Tell me that tomorrow. Too high to remember.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
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