I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
Just try to make good decisions...remember our convo we had about morals the other day?
Turn them off?
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Haha jealous. If I could remember my dreams I'm pretty sure they would constantly be about being drunk in foreign countries
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Annnnd I didn't even notice there is a guy dancing in a jock strap beside me. That explains girls smiling at me
I just had to call my mom to come pick me up stoned at a Lana's house and beg her to buy me Taco Bell. I'm graduating from college in 14 hours. Fuck
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I opened the door and his girlfriend was standing there; we made silent, prolonged eye contact as I quietly put on my panties and left.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I almost got decked by a guy who looked like Mr. Clean. How was your night?
I’m a women at a strip club dressed as post Malone
Randomize
