She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
Disadvantage of being gay..... my gag reflexes makes trying to make myself throw up extremely difficult.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I'm trying on my bridesmaid dress so that I can determine what will need to be done to achieve getting fucked while wearing it.
We decided this year instead of not participating in Halloween at all we are going to hand out free beers to the parents.
I've come to the conclusion that Jesus and 2013 are haters.
I heard moaning and ass slapping and sponge bob.
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I REMEMBER NUGGETS BEING THERE BUT WE WERE AT A TACO BELL
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
