party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
As a matter of principle, I waited until noon to start the drinking binge.
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Nothing like puking into an empty cooler at a red light on the way to get plan b.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Remember that guy that walked around our house naked with a boner wearing nothing but his winter coat? Well, he has a kid now.
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
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