Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
Randomize
