Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
My liver just had a heart attack.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Justin Timberlake, while dressed as Britney Spears. Fuck Jessica Biel, all my 90's dreams are coming true.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
I get stoned and write a 15 page history report in two hours. She gets stoned and cries because she "doesn't know which shade of pink is the real one".
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
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