yeah but I shoulda known it\'d be bad when he start rubbing my pubic bone instead of the clit! Awkkkkwarddd
My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
He just laughed at his drink laid on the floor and crawled to the bathroom
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Unless you're gonna start buying my underwear, you have got to stop ripping it off of me.
You came over, called every girl Comrade Heather, and then declared that you were an Eagle, and we were your young.
So all in all, a good night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
It's like sleep walking but with blowjobs
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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