So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So I feel really bad about last night...can i give you a blow job and we call it even?
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I've decided to dedicate my life to finding out which flavor of Gatorade tastes best after you brush your teeth
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
Lol I wish they went straight to your cock then shot out into my mouth like a cock nacho dispenser
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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