so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
dude girls our age are getting married and having babies and I still can't figure out how to defrost my hotpockets
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
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