Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Ugh. The fucking vaginal recession is so real right now.
The highlight was when a stranger was nose to nose with you threatening to kick ur ass, and you said "Is that your real face? Stopped him dead.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
