the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
We didn't have sex but he is somehow naked and laying on top of me. his dick is touching my leg and freaking me the fuck out.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
Thirty seconds is a long time in jizz time...
EVEN AFTER ALL THAT COMPLAINING... STILL NO PENIS
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
Randomize