just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
We let him drunkenly pack his own bags without checking them. Yet no one was surprised when the TSA girl pulled a 12 pack out of his carry on.
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Thinking about wearing all black to the bar tonight since I'll be attending my liver's funeral.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
Randomize
