Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
i had them turn on teen mom at the bar so i wouldnt be tempted to go home and make babies with the guy next to me
Guess whose mug shot is NOT on the Internet anymore?!?!
That moment when you notice a tiny IR camera pointing at you, in your bed, at the apartment you found on Craigslist.
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
At 10 PM you were shit faced in the kitchen makin nachos... Naked. I wasn't sure what to do besides walk away...
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize