Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
the condom got lost in my hair
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
i don't even know why we got arrested this time. i think the cops just like our company at this point
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
don't bring your nerd jargon into this conversation about my naked body
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
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