I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
I don't think tequila will soothe the spots where my tonsils used to be.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
So you can now add nose to my list of places that cum has gone that it shouldn't...
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
