If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
i normally make it a rule to leave when white people start rapping... but they had blow.
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Helped a guy at work today that did nothing but stare at my chest....safe to say the Girls were looking G.O.O.D. today.
Can we climb Your roof?
No bitch its 2am go home.
I'm going to come in the middle of the night and attack you with spoons
Randomize
