OMG MY MOM JUST ASKED IF I WAS GETTING PAP SMEAR TOMORROW VERY LOUDLY WHILE WE ARE STANDING IN A VERY PUBLIC LINE.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
You're going to find someone that you love very much and that loves you, and then you're gonna find an additional person that you literally can't stop staring at from across the room. I feel very confidently about that
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
I'm eating pizza in the bathtub
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
