Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
I was running because his wife invited me to join them on their kinky Vegas weekend. Crossing state lines is too much commitment for me.
Randomize
