It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Well, ive pounded a baby into a stripper and a girl who was on jerry springer, a 16 year old is logically next.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
It's probably not healthy how legit bummed I am that my bottled of wine is gone.
I got to her place and she was petting her cat and pounding vodka out of the bottle. She looked like Dr evil in yoga pants. She's nuttier than squirrell shit.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
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