I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She's dressed as a slutty goth schoolgirl. Those are my three favorite things. God himself could not give me whiskey dick.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
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