Can you explain my first weekend back, because there a lot of blacked out gaps and 32 friend requests i would like to know about
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
Randomize
