Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
im just gonna turn drinking alone on new years into a tradition
On a scale of 1 to 10 how hot is the girl you're about to fuck?
Strong 6
That's an oxymoron.
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
You can jump from the roof to the pool. Trust me. I have done this before.
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I'm getting drunk by myself again. But I'm not shotgunning any of them. That's self-restraint, right?
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
I supernannyed him into submission
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Randomize
