Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
You are the worst kind of disappointment. The responsible kind.
I'm wearing the jeans from casino night. Tell me why I have a napkin in my pocket that says 'dont fear me'? I'm hoping it was just a coincidence.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
I'm seeing how far I can grow my leg hair out before Jason will say anything. I'm up to an inch
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
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