Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
he told her he was actually impressed that she had fucked more people in this house than the four dudes living in it.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
Randomize
