Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
i really wish i had a remote for my computer. its all the way on my bed while im across the hall puking my brains out to enya. not cool.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
That girl is like a master class on how to be an unlovable crazy person.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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