??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Oh shit. The hangover. It has taken 20 mins and 5 attempts to tie my shoelaces
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
I just started the bonfire using a tampon. Who knew they could have multiple uses?
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I'm totally picking out my shrooming outfit and blankets right now
Randomize
