dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
Yeah. We was talkin. Its ok. My bed is too filled with pam for sex. Its like a slip and slide of butter product.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
just threw up in the bushes outside my lecture hall. sometimes i hate the freedom college gives you.
that shit musta been laced I laughed for two hours and everyone looked like penguins
Well I say she's a whore. All four of her kids have different last names.
BUT, one is Johnson and the other is Johnston. She gets some credit for that
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
You disappeared for 10 minutes. Then came back with nothing but your boxers and a life jacket on to tell us we were all screwed when the flood came and you would be the only survivor.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Randomize