I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
Handcuffed. To. Steering. Wheel. Fuck.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Apparently when it was last call I jumped up on the bar and told everyone to get the fuck out, which was immediately followed by a round of applause from the bouncers/bartenders and my tab getting paid as well.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
You know you're too high when you find yourself crying at " hand in my pocket" by Alanis Morissette because it's "just TOO REAL"
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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