you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I think I broke my hip playing drunk ping pong
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
The only reason I can fathom that you've been able to continue to date new people this long is that women continue to become of age each year, and the younger ones don't know any better.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?
Randomize
