So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
there were staples in my comforter. what kind of sex did we even have?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Randomize
