never have i ever had a craving for dick this badly
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
We have a pile of chopped wood here that suggests we may have chopped down a tree of some sort.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
They think its so cute and admirable that I learned French. BITCH HAVE YOU NEVER HEARD OF GOOGLE TRANSLATE? sexting foreign bitches, there's an app for that
Help me help you realize you are a moron
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