On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Should I rub the neighbors amazon package in the dog shit they left on the front steps?
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
It's been a week I should not still be finding glitter in my pants.
Randomize
