Is it normal to miss your booty call?
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Painted a stripper an elf costume. Her coworkers liked it. Now in a room full of naked strippers.
Randomize
