last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
I remember asking you "need some dick tonite?"
Yeah I guess to me frat party equals penis party. oh the wonders of vodka.
Dude, she literally stopped, mid fuck said "I want soup" got off my dick and make top ramen.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
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