I head back to the dorms in less than a week I'm not ready to see my roomate naked that much again.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
I know I say this every year but 2015 will be the year I finally have sex with David's sister
You fell asleep standing up against the shower wall
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
My car insurance payment showed up today, so no inflatable hot tub for now. Sorry to disappoint.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
Randomize
