Cool, I just put that together. I didn't know if using a tie-died sub machinegun was too crazy
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
She trust falled out of a window. It was like that scene from A Little Princess but with a lot more blood.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
Did you really eat 10 ice cream cones today?
It was tough but I powered through it.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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