I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
Do vagina's smell?
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
hey you knew what you were in for when i showed up with 2 fifths of Jim. plus i left money to pay for a new sink
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
We were all in the pool and he showed up with a pitcher of margarita. Everyone swam over to him. He poured it directly into our mouths like we were a Sea World act.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
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