cab driver gave us mini bottles of jd for the ride home & proceeded to run every red light. wonder how many bottles he drank.
Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
so my class lasted 15 minutes this morning because this kid puked all over himself..only at radford
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
Best ethics paper a stoner could write. I called my professor Dr. Superfly Arandia. And I'm pretty sure I used "respect the hustle" somewhere in there too.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
And it only took a fake engagement ring, a condom and a bowl of weed
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
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