I swear she didn't look like that last week.
Jon just got arrested by the quesadilla police
What?!?
What I actually meant, is I had a quesadilla, and Jon got arrested by the real police
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
Woke up this morning on my couch at 6am fully dressed including heels, holding half a corn dog. I called you last night when I was buying the corn dog from a street vendor, I think.
I am in love with you.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Yeah just pls explain the dishes and the dildo. I don't want to lose my job over a dick in the cooler.
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
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