dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
At what point did we agree that playing bocchi ball on the way to the liquor store was a good idea?
I'll be honest with you, my dick was out at that point in time.
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
Bro I can't jerk it to my phone anymore. I feel Siri staring back, and she's real disappointed.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
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