He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
Did not foresee holding down food at work today to be a struggle today
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
I don't think I can look at him the same way anymore after he walked in my room wearing a short skirt with a boner.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
I fucking love your mom. She's so drunk and fully functional. I aspire to be her one day.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
Her handjob consisted of slapping me in the balls. I am never hooking up with her ever again ever.
Randomize
